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Sun, Feb 6 2005
The first Entry
Mood:
 sad
Now Playing: Not Falling--Mudvayne
Topic: The First Entry
Well i guess you don't know much about me....well, look at my profile first, then read this cause i'm kinda sleepy, and i dont feel like explaining. i'm at my friend Jessica's house. I slept over. We were acting stupid like 2 hours ago. We were playing truth or dare and i dared to walk outside (at night, most eveyone was asleep) with a wedgie and her shorts down....that was hilarious....she actually did it. We're so stupid. I didn't do anything. NO one dared me. But we were still pretty hyper. Yeah well i have this back stabbing ex boy friends. Noticed i just jumped from one subject to the other. I might do that sometimes since i tend to write what i remember and just what pops up in my head. To my friends, i do that a lot. Well, he stabbed my in the back pretty hard. Maybe he's still mad because i played him. BUt it's been like...............................i don't know how long it's been since HE dumped ME, but yeah, it's been long enough. If he's trying to get back at me, itis a waste of his time, nad just shows that he's to stubborn to get over things. Come on, he's dumped me twice, and on NONE of them i try to get back at him, or flirt with guys in front of his face to try to get him jealouse, and i dont bother him, bu at the same time, i dont completley ignore him, like oh since we're not going out we can't be friends. That's stupid i never do any of that crap it's a waste of my frickin time. It's a waste of my energy. It's a waste of my feelings. What for? It'll probably blow over eventually. He probably thinks that, i'm lying or just rubbing it in his face at the fact that i played but, i'm not. I just thought that since he doesn't like me anymore that he wouldn't get that mad if i told him ya know? But when my cousin told him, man, was he MAD!!! He was so mad at times, he would shut my cousin up and go "i know, i know, i know, god....." and he would like guess the rest. And at other times, his voice would sound shakey. So i felt bad after my cousin told him. And the other day, i cried, because i had a dream that he died. I was so scared. A couple of his girl buds died too. My aunt died also. And my mom, my bro, and me almost died. The dream didn't finish. I purposley woke up. I didn't want to dream the rest of that hell. What pisses me off, is that, he thinks that i'm still mad at him, and that i still hate him for dumping me and i don't. He thinks that i dont give a crap about him, but i do. I still care, and latley i've been so scared, and so nervouse about his demise. I feel that his life os going to end soon. And i don't want it to. I feel scared that he's gonna die because i feel it. I don't feel it real srong though. I just feel the pain, that's close to death, but not exactly there. And i'm so scared. It's not his time. And he keeps hurting himself. I'm so frickin mortrified by that dream. I woke up in teard and called him just to check is he hadn't died already. Man, his stupid hipocritical self has no idea how scared, and involved i am in this. That's the first dream i have about him dying. Usually when i dream about him (including when were going out, and when we weren't) he would be with me, or we would be far off somewhere alone and i would be concerned about something else and i would just see him in the corner of my eye, and he'd just be standing there, either sad or mad.....but i have never had a dream about him dying, and scared because of that.
Written by JOzzy A.K.A: punkeymonkey13
at 3:18 AM EST
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